The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
