I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize