We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
