We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
