My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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