My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
