I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
