why didn't you poke me back
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
