If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
