I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
