Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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