everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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