I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
