So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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