WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize