i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
