the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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