Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
