I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
