In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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