Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
