Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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