Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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