I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They took my balls.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
