Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
