Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the condom got lost in my hair
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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