So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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