As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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