I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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