It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
did i walk over a car last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
