i think my mom watched the whole time
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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