i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
