Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
false alarm, still single
Randomize
