Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
