4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
