there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
