Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
