Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
either way he was missing a nipple.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
