She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
