Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
