i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
