doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
