I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
