she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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