Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
