he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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