dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
