I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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