This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
