i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
