I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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