last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
