A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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