i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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