I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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