I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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