They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
