I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
